To The Bridesmaid With All The Ideas (How To Not Be A Pain In The Photographer’s Butt)

As a wedding photographer who’s been photographing beautiful wedding days for the last 14 years, I’ve seen and experienced a lot.
But one of the things I find very challenging on a wedding day is when I have a particularly “helpful” bridesmaid.

Let me explain.

As the main photographer on a wedding day, I primarily spend the morning with the bride (sorry grooms, but you usually get to hang out with my super amazing second shooters). Since I’m with the bride and her bridesmaids for 2-3 hours before even leaving the bridal suite, I tend to get to know everyone in the room pretty well – and vice versa.

I love it. The vibe is celebratory. Everyone is excited. Makeup and hairspray are flowing. Music is playing. Bubbly is popped. It’s pure fun.

And every once in a while, I encounter a bridesmaid who is particularly “helpful”. (And, if you catch my drift, it’s not in the “good” way.)
She’s been in a few weddings (is usually married herself) and she comes armed with lots of questions and ideas for me (as the photographer).
Maybe she’s had bad experiences with photographers in the past as they were shooting (and she usually shares those stories with me) or she’s been let down by photographers after the event is over.
No matter what – she’s determined not to let her best friend (the bride) have a bad experience on her wedding day.

So she approaches me with ideas:
“Why don’t you shoot over here?”
“I’ll turn the lights back on for you.”
“Why are you doing that?”
“You should pose the bride this way.”
“Oh! Don’t forget to take a picture of that!”
“I saw this cool photo on Pinterest..”

I know that the bridesmaid has pure intentions and is just trying to be helpful. I know she’s been disappointed in the past with photographers. I know that she’s just trying to give her best friend the best day ever.

But in doing so, she not only ends up being a distraction, but she takes the focus off of who it should be on (the bride) and puts it on herself.

I’ve seen it more times than I care to admit: the “helpful” bridesmaid is over chatting my ear off, thinking she is being productive and beneficial, while not only am I having to stop and talk to her (and usually explain why I’m doing what I’m doing), but the poor bride is left to fend for herself. She’s running around tying up last minute details, trying to make sure things are cleaned up, struggling to remember everything, all the while forgetting to eat and drink and relax.

I really appreciate insight from bridesmaids, especially awareness into situations that I am not knowledgable about (when they point out important family members, key me in on inside jokes, give me a heads up on the different dynamics and relationships in the room) – all of that information is super helpful to me!
When I arrive on a wedding day, I don’t know who the bride’s parents and grandparents and siblings are, I don’t know that a certain story has woven it’s way into the fabric of the wedding planning and makes everyone laugh as soon as someone says “Taco Bell”, and I don’t know that there was an argument between a bridesmaid and the bride’s sister last night – leaving tensions between them a little high.

Insight into situations like that are insanely helpful to me.

But when you approach me and ask ninety-seven questions about why I’m doing this, or why I’m set up here and not there, when you give ideas and show me Pinterest boards of inspiration, it honestly just slows up the process.

And in the meantime, instead of focusing on helping the bride and making her day as relaxing and stress-free as possible, you’re over engaged with me.

So, here’s my advice:

If you’re a bride (and especially if you know you have a “helpful” bridesmaid in your group – you know your friends), let your ladies in on who your photographer is.
Send them your photographer’s website and social media channels so they can get familiar with how the photographer works and the photos they produce.
This way, everyone can relax in knowing that a professional has been hired and while some insight is helpful, they don’t need to be hand-held through the entire day.

If you’re a bridesmaid (or even a family member), shift your focus to the bride.
What can you do to help? Has the bride had any water recently? Does the getting ready suite need cleaned up? Do other bridesmaids need help zipping up their dresses? Can you take some of the tiny little tasks that need done on a wedding day off of the bride’s plate and do those things yourself?

Instead of interrupting the photographer’s flow (let’s be honest: after 14 years of photographing weddings, I have a really awesome flow to my wedding days) – go with the current.
Be available whenever others in the room need help and put all of your attention on the bride.
Trust that she hired an amazing, professional, experienced photographer and let that photographer do their job.
Be a busy little worker bee, determined to do everything in your power to make the day flow as smoothly as possible.

After all, it’s not your day, it’s the bride and groom’s.